Posts Tagged ‘Family’

I know this blog is in public, but I want to share about my dad. Well, my dad is away right now. He’s a an oversea worker. He works a lot.

Dad never bought something for himself, except if he really need to but not what he wants. there are times we family go out together like malls, me and mom wanted to bought him a t-shirt or pants or anything to improve his looks. but he keeps on denying about buying him new clothes. He said that it is better if we bought something for ourselves rather than this. Sometimes I’ve got pissed off about that. I told him once that “dad why won’t you buy anything for yourself? I mean your clothes are old and need new fashion or something. Come one, what’s the big deal?” then he just laugh.

most of the time he make jokes just like mom. He’s dancing is so weird that sometimes it hurts my tummy laughing so hard. What I like about him is when, he’s serious then he’s serious and if where in a comedy mood then he’ll get along.

I admit it that sometimes I cried because I miss him. Then I’ll be fine after crying. When I talk to him in phones, I can’t stop my mouth from talking. Most of the time I’m the one talking and he’s give comments and opinions. He don’t make me feel bad when I tell him my mistakes or for instants. I did something wrong and dad knows. He doesn’t get bad, ’cause he knows it already happened, so what can he do then? well he just talk to me smoothly like advising me to think things carefully before I act it. You-know just a comment and a reminder.
Now, I don’t know what I’m saying. anyway, I talked so much about dad here.



I ask mom a billion times “when will dad go home” then the answer I always get is “soon honey”.  I can’t wait.  At times,  I’m in an emo mode and stare blankly at the floor thinking something that I cannot describe.

Then one night,  I cried like a baby.  I tried to stop it, but can’t do something about it. There are things that dad can do for me that not even one of the person surrounds me can. There are things that  dad would help me and never tried to hurt me when he scolded me ( he’s just talking at me not saying bad words or negative things about me).  He is all fair and square. I love him, I just don’t understand that all over the years we’ve been apart.  I should get used of missing him but on that night I ask him in my mind  “Dad! please come home now, I need you. Mom don’t understand me as much as you do”. Then,  I just covered my face with the pillow and cried and cried.

My emotions are in a mist at that time. Why am I still catching my breath? Why can’t I hold the fact that there could be no one for me but myself in this fantasy land. I can heal my pain without others (pretty hard). I can love myself more than anybody could.  I don’t want to be emo or something, I want to be in an ordinary life.  There are times that I hate myself for being weak.  If I got stuck with my emotions, then I easily cried. Today, I have cough badly and always experiencing hyperventilate, also I get dizzy a lot at home whenever I’m stressed and sometimes I walk like a drunk (i feel like the world is turning around).

Thanks to my friends, who inspires me a lot and I’m hoping you would not stop loving me until I stop loving you,  but theres no end in loving you so there’s no point of  ‘stop loving me’ ….. understand?? (yes it’s confusing… I am confused too .laugh.laugh.laugh) tell me! I’m crazy ain’t I ?